If nothing changes, nothing changes.
I was talking to someone about honesty recently – I can see that this person is a wonderful and kind human being, full of fun and with a lot of love to give. Through our talks I believe they have become to recognize that too, and yet – to their own disbelief – they continue to do destructive things that only harm themselves.
There are certainly lots of things we learn by doing over and over, and these things become habit.
Just think how it is when we go to another country, and need to drive on the other side of the road – we can approach a junction knowing the right way to go, but our habit comes to the fore, and we go the wrong way.
And again, there are things that we do that appear self-destructive, but started out as a way to cope with a bad situation – for example, we were feeling ill at ease in a social function, and found that by taking a drink we got along better. And it worked….. until it didn’t anymore, and we found that we had to drink to get through the morning.
Or, as my friend had found, a way of maintaining “control” had backfired on her, and now she could not stop her destructive cycle of behavior.
Sometimes changing a way of behavior is hard because we don’t want to be honest about it.
We want to have stopped, but are unwilling to go through the pain of stopping.
Or we simply do not know how, and so we lie – to others and to ourselves – about what the true situation is
But we don’t get to be honest by lying; we get to be honest by being honest.
We don’t get to be well and then take the actions of a well person –we need to take the actions first, and then we can become well.
A habit is a hard thing to break, an addiction is a hard thing to get over – but both start with a first time.
And a new habit, a life affirming, well habit can start the same way, by doing it once, and then a second time, and then over and over, until it just becomes who we are and what we do.
But it has to start with a first time. And if not now, when?